iPhone 4 — The Ultimate Pretentiousness Tool User Guide
After a week with the iPhone 4, I have to say it truly is the ultimate pretentiousness tool (though still a step below the ultimate pretentiousness神器, the BMW). Here are my original, must-follow tips for showing off properly:
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Default ringtone and text tone: Don’t change them. Use the marimba for calls and the triplet for texts. That way, whenever you get a call or message, everyone knows you have an iPhone. If you change it to Hello Moto or a Nokia ringtone, your phone instantly depreciates by half.
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Screen brightness at max: Don’t worry about battery life. Make sure everyone can see your screen is an iPhone 4. Keep slide-to-unlocking for no reason, swipe across the logo a couple times, then lock it again.
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Get a flashy case: Black devices don’t stand out. Get a colorful or white bumper to contrast. If you buy a transparent one, you’re an idiot.
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The case must be a bumper type — not one that wraps the whole phone leaving only the screen exposed. The reason: flip the iPhone 4 over and you’ll understand.
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Always have earphones plugged in and stuck in your ears. That way, when people look at your face, their gaze will follow the two white cables to the iPhone at the other end.